Much has been written about the skills, tools and qualities that a good mediator must have, and one of them is EMPATHY.
But what is empathy? According to the dictionary of the Royal Spanish Academy, empathy is:
1. f. Feeling of identification with something or someone.
2. f. Ability to identify with someone and share your feelings.
If we interpret it from the "dictionary" of a mediator we could say that a fairly graphic definition of empathy is "get in the other's shoes" Or what is the same “put yourself in the other person's shoes”. That's right, empathy is nothing more than the ability to understand the feelings and needs of another person. However, it is important not to confuse understanding the feelings and needs with agreeing with the other person.
Garaigordobil and Maganto, carried out a study on the “Empathy and conflict resolution during childhood and adolescence”, whose research highlighted the connection between empathy and the ability to resolve conflicts.
Study results
The results of the study, which were obtained with a sample of 941 participants aged 8 to 15, 509 boys and 432 girls from the Basque Country, confirmed the following:
(a) Girls have higher empathy scores at all ages.
(b) Girls use more positive-cooperative conflict resolution strategies and boys use more aggressive ones.
(c) Positive correlations were confirmed between empathy and cooperative conflict resolution, and negative correlations with aggressive resolution.
When people facing a conflict come to mediation, in most cases, they do so after a long period of discussions and struggles that have led them to settle on what Acland calls “positions.”
If we transfer this graph to an iceberg, at the tip – visible to everyone – we would find the Positions, already under the water are the Interests, and in the deepest layer the Needs.
The Positions, are what we say –the what?-, while the Interests are what we want – the “for what?” – and lastly, in the deepest part, are the Needs, what we must have – the why?
Let's look at an example. A person is thinking about purchasing a model from a well-known and expensive car brand that has just been launched on the market.
-Positions: what does that person want? We can say that what he wants is to buy that latest model of car.
-Interests: why do you want that car? Probably, apart from the quality of the vehicle, you want to show off your car, draw attention when you ride in it, express your social position, etc.
-Needs: why do you want that car? Leaving aside the need to have a vehicle or the best features of that latest model, from a psychological point of view, we can think that the needs of that person are related to self-esteem, belonging to a group, etc.
The mediators, we are “explorers” of the conflict and we must make the effort to understand the past stories and circumstances of the people in conflict, to help them get out of their Positions and bring to light the Interests and Needs of each of the parties.
This ability to recognize the other person's feelings and understand what is happening to them will involve the construction of trust, legitimation, and empowerment of the protagonists, necessary conditions for a good mediation process to develop.
But not only mediators must empathize with the parties; empathy between the parties, generating verbal and non-verbal harmony that helps to better understand the other, is also essential for the successful completion of the mediation process.
And the first step to do this is to carry out active listening in which the rules of the mediation process are respected so that each party, without being interrupted, can express what they want and need to say.
Active listening requires a non-verbal expression from those listening, which expresses that they are understanding what is being explained to us, thus creating an empathetic and trusting climate.
With active listening and empathy, the mediator will demonstrate an understanding of the situation narrated and the feelings expressed, the mediator does not judge. Likewise, it will help the parties in conflict to regain interest in the people in front of them, which will be the beginning of a search for solutions to the conflict.
Continue training in the world of mediation thanks to masters like this. Do not lose your job.
