What are we all failing to do? Towards true co-responsibility in mediation.
There are words we repeat like mantras —best interests of the child, protection, coordination, responsible parenting— but in practice, they become institutional window dressing. It sounds good. It looks good. But it doesn't change anything.
The inconvenient truth is this: when a child is caught in a high-intensity conflict, it's not one person who fails. It's an entire system.
The national sport is passing the buck. In difficult situations, every professional has a perfect refuge:
“This is a matter for the court.”
“This is a matter for social services.”
“The psychologist will decide this.”
“This will be resolved through mediation.
”"The lawyers will sort this out."”
And while everyone is protecting themselves, the child is left unprotected. Collective responsibility begins when we stop playing the "this isn't mine" game and accept that If a child suffers, it affects us all..
Mediation in high-conflict situations is neither a prerequisite nor a mere formality. It is a space where what the system refuses to see is revealed—without filters.
- overwhelmed parents,
- destructive narratives,
- minors caught in the middle,
- professionals who arrive late,
- decisions that are made out of inertia.
Mediation doesn't miraculously fix things, but reveals. And what it reveals is unsettling.
That's why some prefer to avoid it.
We all talk about professional ethics. But real ethics aren't found in codes, but in difficult decisions.
- saying “no” when everyone wants a “yes”,
- to stop a process even if it generates anger,
- not to allow a minor to be used as an argument,
- not to rush a procedure just to "get rid of the case".
Ethics is not a speech. It's not a PowerPoint presentation. It's a boundary.
And in areas of high conflict, Setting limits saves children.
The system doesn't fail for lack of resources: it fails for lack of courage. Resources are lacking, yes. But what's most lacking is... professional courage:
- courage to coordinate,
- courage to make people uncomfortable,
- courage to say what no one wants to hear,
- courage to accept that we cannot do it alone.
Collective responsibility is not a pleasant concept. It is a direct challenge: Are we willing to do what needs to be done, even if it's not comfortable?
What truly protects a minor .It's not a brilliant report. It's not an impeccable ruling. It's not a perfect mediation. It's not a new protocol. It's not a name change for an institution.
What protects a minor is the coherence of the system. The sum of courageous decisions. The ability of each professional to look beyond their office. The will to not let adult conflict colonize the child's life.
In areas of high conflict, Being a good professional is not enough..That's the bare minimum.
What makes the difference is to be co-responsible. And that means stopping looking the other way, stopping protecting certain areas, and starting to protect those who really matter.
Because when a minor is involved, the question is not: “What am I supposed to do?” but: “What are we all failing to do?”
By: Jordi Casajoana Feliu
Visit the website of EIM International School of Mediation to learn more.
You can also see our teacher on LinkedIn. Jordi Casajoana | LinkedIn
