When we work in mediation, more than once we have become aware of different realities. On numerous occasions, the media speak to us about the “other” as the bad one., who made the situation unsustainable, who “set fire” to the relationship that until then was correct, of partners, neighbors, couples or work coexistence.
In fact, on more than one occasion, taking advantage of the possibility ofand carry out co-mediations, with intern students, at the end of an individual session or caucus, I asked them: What did you think? And almost everyone answers me… “you have to see how bad the other person is.”
However, when we interviewed individually with the person we mentioned as “the other”, I asked them again, what now? To which they responded… “it wasn't as bad as they painted it, now I think the first one we interviewed is more to blame.”
"Highly flammable"
That's why Today, dear reader, I want to take you to the concept of “highly flammable.”
When we refer to this concept from chemistry, we are referring to substances and preparations that, at room temperature, in the air, and without energy input, can heat up and even ignite.
Preparations that, after brief contact with an ignition source, can continue to burn or be consumed after the source that produced that reaction has been eliminated. Even more so, in some cases, depending on the substance, releasing gases extremely dangerous.
Does it sound familiar to you? Always with the gaze of the mediator, it is not surprising that the first thing I mentioned to you, our clients when talking about the “other” mention how cunning, irascible and irritated they are, they get angry at everything, even (“gas release” ) insults and threatens to go to court or expose differences.
That is why we have to be very aware, when we work on a case in mediation, of What can these highly flammable “toxic” substances be? What we have to avoid to put out the fire of lack of communication.
Toxic substances"
These flammable substances, also called Fuels, are a type of dangerous substances that, with any phrase, with any misinterpreted message (for example WhatsApp messages, in which we do not see tones or gestures that accompany them), They are the “heat” or the spark that produces combustion, or what is the same, the lack of understanding.
The main characteristic of a Flammable substance, of a toxic relationship between our clients, is its flash or ignition point, which is the temperature, the moment, at which the ignition begins to occur. fuel ignition spontaneously or by the action of a spark.
Negotiation process during mediation
That is what we are looking for with those informative and exploratory sessions that we carry out at the beginning of a mediation process. If we are aware of when and why the spark occurred, we will be brave in working with the “toxic product” and eliminating that combustion.
I particularly always like to emphasize: “tell me about yourself and not about him/her” “how you feel, how you are experiencing it” “how do you think I can help you”…
If we are good craftsmen of the mediation process, we will quickly realize which issues are “extremely flammable,” which are “easily flammable,” and where the middle ground is.
With this we will know how to work “Basic precautions” and follow safety regulations and avoid contact with substances that cause ignition. Ask what we should ask and analyze only what we should analyze. Our negotiation strategy will depend on all this.
If you liked this analogy, dear friend, in another post, I promise to tell you about explosive substances (those that we should not treat), corrosive substances (those that destroy a relationship), toxic substances (with specific problems if you get them through “contact” or “inhalation” in the environment where you live), harmful substances (with problems including health risk) or irritating substances (which create emotional reactions when they arise).
The mediation process is complex and you have to be trained in the field, with the Master in Mediation and Multidisciplinary Conflict Management You will be able to act as a mediator throughout the national territory and learn about this professional field.
