Everyone knows an old phrase that we heard in our families that said: “dirty linen is washed at home.” And so it is, from my beginnings as a mediator I was aware that this “medicine” called mediation is fundamental and is especially prescribed when it comes to family conflicts, since relationships will continue over time and last after a conflict within the family. the same.
That is why I intend with this short post to vindicate something that we already know, but that we mediators should never forget, since the origin of this wonderful profession in Spain and Europe is in family mediation. Hence the first reference that we know of the European Recommendation of 1998. Let us never forget that it promoted mediation but with a family name. We must think about how mediation can help in family conflicts: whether in the classic conflicts of marital crisis (separations, divorces or annulments) or the more innovative search for the family of origin of adopted children or the care of the elderly, now that the pyramid is being reversed with fewer births and more longevity.
The importance of family in society
Albert Einstein said that “in moments of crisis only imagination is more important than knowledge.” Today, the family continues to have a very important role in society and not only in that, but the oldest mediators all come from family mediation, where the imagination takes on extraordinary formats, in ourselves and in the families that have They have to invent and be flexible in the face of the situations that life puts in front of them.
What is true is that the concept of “family” can be said to be in crisis, not from a negative point of view, but from a social change: the reduction of the family nucleus, the appearance of what are called “new families”. ”, the aforementioned aging of the population and therefore the reduction in births. And also why not, the current employment situation of marriage, the distribution of tasks continues to burden women, the decrease in the duration of marriages, as well as the delay of the wedding calendar or also the integration of family groups from immigration.
And if we go to the cold data that statistics offer us, almost 3 million people live alone and 2 out of every 10 households are single-person
In 2022 there will be 156,000 separations or divorces (300 daily)
Without forgetting a social scourge: Domestic violence is today one of the country's main problems ahead of unemployment or immigration.
The question therefore is, is family mediation necessary or essential? Obviously the answer is resounding: yes.
Family mediation as a basis
We have to prepare to live in peace, without conflict, although it is a complex process since conflict is an inevitable reality of human life. But what is avoidable are the continued and destructive fights that end relationships. For this there is no other method and whose basic principle is: involve the opposing parties in the solution to the conflict.
The difficult thing is to understand that both parties may be somewhat right and, especially because in family conflicts there are different ways of addressing it; There are those who insult, threaten or impose and those who create a bubble pretending to be normal. But I have no doubt that the results we have been obtaining since the end of the last century (it seems like many years ago and it is just over 20 years of family mediation) we have successfully managed: crisis situations, deteriorated parent-child relationships, foster care situations , guardianship and adoption, inheritance partitions, and small business situations that are largely family businesses. Even other mediations such as those derived from Social Services, for situations of families with specific problems of drugs, immigration, prisoners, minors in social conflict, school conflict, etc.
Basics of mediation
In short, a field of action that requires significant effort, based on the true foundations of mediation:
- The right of families to self-determination
- The Image of support and cooperation that we mediators must give
- Reflective listening that will help stable agreements
- The need to invite them to generate most of the solutions
And I would like to finish with the true image of our role in this type of mediation, mentioning what our roles would be in the most creative way possible and that family mediators will surely see themselves reflected:
a) The mediator must moderate the demands of the parties (be a moderator)
b) Check receptivity to mediation and analyze it (be analysts)
c) Reduce hostility between the parties (be a peacemaker)
d) Offer summaries of opinions and clarify progress (be a compiler)
e) Translate the different statements of the parties in the negotiation (be a translator)
f) Encourage and help the parties reach an agreement (be a facilitator)
g) Know how to conduct the dispute correctly (be diplomatic)
h) Neutralize the negative aspects of the negotiation (being a ground cable)
i) Guide and maintain the emotional climate (be a monitor)
j) Educate the parties in the negotiation (be an instructor)
k) Attend the birth of the agreement (be an assistant at the “birth”)
l) Create the illusion of an improvement in the parts using techniques not discovered by them (being a magician)
m) Open the album of family reality and see the positive and negative (be a photographer of reality)
Know all the details about the family mediation here.
