According to the General Council of the Judiciary, the number of marital dissolutions increased in the first four months of 2017 by 4.8% compared to the same period of the previous year. On the occasion of the celebration of International Children's Day on November 20 and the increase in separations and divorces in Spain, it seems interesting to consider the important role of minors in these situations, in which they can be seriously harmed by the problems of their parents.
In family mediation, minor children play a main role since, during these processes, the mediators focus on monitoring and caring for the well-being of the little ones, watching over them and making the parents keep them present at the moment. to reach an agreement.
Although each child may assimilate the situation differently, these ruptures can cause negative effects in sons and daughters, such as feelings of guilt, irritation, worry or fear of rejection. If parents do not focus correctly on the marital conflict, abstaining from their own feelings and position, they can provoke negative feelings regarding the child's family situation, such as fear of losing contact with one of the spouses, loneliness or grief for imagine one of the members of the couple outside the home, so communication in these cases is essential.
This is where the importance of family mediation lies, based on dialogue and cooperation, so that the couple is aware that those most affected by separation, divorce or making agreements are the children. Family mediation promotes the convenience of maintaining a good parental relationship, beyond the couple's relationship, always based on communication and the provision of tools to face future problems.
Regarding the inclusion of minors in these practices, we find positions of mediators favorable and against.
There are those professionals in the sector who defend the approach of the child's presence in mediation, and it may be beneficial for them to know the reasons of their parents and the agreements reached, influencing the parents to comply with these, favoring also the presence of the children, the dialogue between them. On the other hand, the child is given the opportunity to express their wishes and opinions, encouraging them to be taken into account.
Likewise, there are mediators who believe the opposite: the absence of the minor in the mediation processes. Their presence can be stressful for them as they are aware of the future of their family relationship, knowing the child's opinion if they are under 3 years old would be incoherent or one of the parents could be manipulating them, among other reasons.
In one way or another, minors are always present in these processes, because most of the matters are referred to them. In fact, there are cases of mediators who insert photographs of children to have them present in decisions.
However, the little ones in these cases are not listened to. What mediation promotes is the responsibility of the parents to communicate the situation and listen to the suggestions and needs of their children, which will favor the development of the minors, avoiding the feeling of fear and discomfort that the rupture of their relationships can produce. parents.
And, as Margarita García Tomé states, family mediation is its own work methodology, which facilitates means of constructive communication to prevent and positively manage family conflicts or tensions that will help family members in conflict. to dialogue and cooperate so that they can find for themselves the best way to solve the problem that affects them in a satisfactory and lasting way over time.
