It is not enough to think that conflicts have always existed and wait for time to change... It is time to act and create, from our profession and its practical practice, a “culture of agreement” and include those involved in the mediation processes. teenagers in conflict.
If you want to train as a Mediator, the Master in Mediation and Management of Disciplinary Conflicts It will train you to act as a mediator with the general, transversal and specific skills that every mediator must have.
Movie related to mediation
Do you remember the movie Peter Pan?; I believe that never has a children's film had more to do with the role of mediation with minors or adolescents than the aforementioned film.
Do you remember how, in an imaginary way, some brothers traveled to the neverland? After going to sleep, three brothers from the same family dream how, through their bedroom window, they can fly, attracted by the evil Captain Hook. In their imagination, they want to escape from their home, their family, their parents, in the middle of the World War, in battle, in conflict, in which some children are affected, the only way to escape from it is through imagination.
Do you remember how you felt the attraction of the forbidden? Of the pirates... their reference was Hook. Minors, and especially adolescents, who reveal themselves in any situation, want to confront what they cannot achieve and the best way to do so is through everything that is not allowed for adults.
Do you remember who was there in community? The lost boys and girls. How many of these “lost children” are around us. How many are objects of abuse, of use as thrown “weapons” in cases of marital crisis in our days; or worse, if we know the statistical figures that tell us about abandonment, temporary foster care or withdrawal of parental authority for not providing them with the necessary comprehensive training.
Do you remember how Peter Pan got his “children” back? Thinking like them, living like them, feeling like them, like Wendy. It is only possible to enter their world if we close our eyes and imagine like them. Well, that means family mediation with minors or adolescents.
We must think that the adolescent is building his identity and therefore only with the recognition of his right to be heard can we work. Lawyers are not used to working with teenagers. We do not involve them, for example, in the divorce process of their parents, to explain to them that they have to fulfill their part of the commitment so that the so-called visitation regime is fulfilled when they reach their birthdays.
It is essential and urgent to generate actions leading to violence ceasing to be a valid way to resolve differences, hence the concern to seek ways to neutralize it and transform it through dialogue, when we talk about family processes, where relationships over time “they will continue.”
Why Mediation?
“Mediation is an agreement for the future. The past cannot be changed, but we can see how we are going to plan the future."
We mediators have learned to ask what are we going to do? And no, what happened?
We mediators have learned to work on what is “fair,” not so much on what is “legal.”
It must be taken into account that mediation gives all responsibility to the parties in the conflict and attempts, through the work process itself, for said parties to take responsibility for what is theirs; They themselves are the protagonists of their own agreements. In the case of adolescents, giving a measure of power, responsibility and trust in them balances the parties, but there is a well-founded fear on the part of parents and family members, fundamentally of the loss of power.
The objectives that we must pursue with the work of mediation with adolescents in conflict, It is fundamentally based on reflecting and developing strategies to work from the basic principles of mediation in unfavorable contexts given, above all, the power imbalance when dealing with a minor; develop skills to introduce the parties to the mediation process without this implying that the adult has to give up his or her principles and values.
For this, it is very necessary to provide mediators with specific skills and resources to work in mediation with adolescents, analyze the application of mediation and negotiation techniques in family processes and, above all, with those with difficult behaviors.
Mediation and negotiation assumptions
These are assumptions of mediation and negotiation in situations of unbalanced force, which allow us to answer the question of how to mediate in this type of processes? We would give the answer with these guidelines:
- Promote positive conflict management and that each party knows their situations according to age, for some they are over, for others they are in full swing.
- Address the negative and destructive aspect of conflict and transform it, eliminating the violence and destructiveness that frequently generates when it comes to minors.
- Convert the conflictive situations that we experience daily into opportunities for learning, growth and personal development. Mediating is educating and therefore the opportunity should not be lost for them to learn about and make their own the methods used in mediation.
- Facilitate constructive and lasting agreements.
- Reduce tensions and avoid violence that could arise due to the adolescent's misunderstanding of the conflict
- Create a peaceful and constructive climate where it can be developed: affirmation and self-esteem, mutual trust, the ability to share feelings, information and experiences.
We would dare to give some instructions as if it were a “toy” for children, so that they understand what mediation is and thus determine its educational and instructive value. What would the explanatory brochure be like?:
Instructions for proper use of mediation with minors
- They must comply with the minimum security requirements that the regulations establish as if it were the “best interest of the minor”
- Warnings and preventive instructions: Toys/Mediation cannot involve risks, so They must be accompanied by those warnings and indications of precautions that are appropriate to reduce the risks entailed by their use.
Criteria Toy Reliability:
- Reliability criteria of the toy or mediation: Currently we can find hundreds of products on the market aimed at enriching children's play. Some of these products are great proposals, but others are not such good ideas. The use of mediation is not always ideal.
- Given the avalanche of offers, it is necessary to establish criteria that guide us and help us determine which ones offer the best possibilities for play/protection in crisis situations that are interesting for our children.
- For safe mediation, the material criteria They allow us to assess the quality of the toy/MEDIATION based on its composition and the adequacy of its design. regarding the type of game/crisis proposed and the age of the boy and girl to whom it is directed.
With these instructions we can also express some fundamental aspects that we must value in a game or toy/mediation, such as the following:
- The strength and durability of the product It is an aspect to take into account. Children suffer when their toys break, since they place a lot of affection on them. For this reason, we must avoid those that can break easily in your hands because they are not well constructed or require extreme care in their use. It is about seeking equitable, fair, stable and lasting agreements.
- Beauty and aesthetics It is an important element to consider. Toys are objects very close to our children, so they must respond to their tastes and an adequate concept of beauty. Children deserve to have beautiful, well-finished objects in their hands that awaken interest in well-made, pleasant and delicate things. You have to be a good translator of messages when there are conflicts.
- -Adaptation to the child's age: is one of the most important criteria; The shape and ergonomics of the game must respond to the manipulation capacity of the boy or girl to whom we offer it, it must adapt to the size of their hand (a nesting box with giant pieces that they cannot hold with their hands will not be able to fulfill its function). , it must have dimensions that adjust to his height (a kitchenette whose highest shelves cannot be reached reduces his playing possibilities) and, if the use of the toy requires it, a weight that is bearable by the child (a ride-on so heavy that it needs an adult to push it, it will not fulfill its function in the hands of the child who must drag it) / in mediation there are many issues to be resolved that affect them: Do we tell them or not? when? what is better? .
- The adaptation to the type of game proposed: Both the design and the material used to manufacture the toy must favor the development of the game for which it was designed. Thus, we must demand that a game to play in the bathtub be constructed with materials that can get wet; If it is designed to fit, it must have a design and a type of material that facilitates fitting, as well as a precision in the cut that allows for a stable and consistent construction; If the toy is designed to be handled by a baby, you must take into account the need to be washable, etc. The material and design of the toys must be based on the game they propose and adapt to the use that the child they are intended for will give them during the game. It is about making a custom-made suit, with the ideal materials for each family. and therefore a work model that integrates the interests of minors and their needs.
In conclusion, the toy/mediation must:
- Have an important Psychopedagogical value .
- Psychopedagogical criteria are those that They allow us to assess the quality of the toy/MEDIATION according to its educational value.
- The toy/mediation EDUCATE, stimulates the development of boys and girls.
- The toy/mediation TRANSMIT VALUESToys are miniature representations of the world around us, which give children the opportunity to imitate, reproduce and represent the activities carried out by the adults who are at their side.
We would like to finish by making an important call to the reader who is dedicated to mediation; The minor, the adolescent, has his or her share of participation in all those solutions that affect them and therefore we must always have a specific basis to incorporate their will and interest into the circularity of mediation work.
