The root of many problems that we encounter when intervening with families that are referred to the Parenting Coordination is their insistence on stating things that they consider Absolute truths and that most of the time they are far from reality.
The cognitive distortions They have a great impact on our work as parental coordinators, since issues with a strong emotional charge are discussed with the family members involved.
The origin of cognitive distortions
In childhood and adolescence we build images and relationships that seek to explain the functioning of the world around us and the people with whom we interact.
Cognitive distortions usually have their origin, therefore, in past learnings that end up generalizing, being maintained over time and in different situations that are far from the original.
If these predetermined schemes are not changed to new situations, they do not adjust to new facts, it is likely that they will end up becoming a source of imbalance.
Types of cognitive distortions that we encounter
Some of the cognitive distortions that we find, both in the parents and in the minors that we intervene from the Parenting Coordination are:
- Selective abstraction: when they value an experience or fact by focusing only on certain aspects of the situation, usually negative, while ignoring others.
- Absolutist and dichotomous thinking (all or nothing): when they interpret events and people in absolute terms without taking into account intermediate points (“always…”, “never…”, “everything…”, “nothing…”, “good,” “bad”).
- Overgeneralization: when they draw general conclusions for everything based on an isolated case and use it as a general rule for situations that are both related and for others that are not.
- Blame: blaming others or oneself for problems, even without an objective association.
- Arbitrary interference: When they reach a conclusion without evidence, they anticipate some future event without evidence or conclude what the other parent thinks without having evidence.
- Emotional reasoning: when they formulate arguments based on how they feel and not on reality, guiding their beliefs about reality based on the negative emotions experienced.
- Catastrophic vision (Magnification): when they imagine and speculate the worst possible outcome, regardless of the probability of occurrence or describe the situation as intolerable and unbearable when in reality it is not so much.
- Denial (Minimization): when they tend to deny problems, errors or weaknesses. Something common in minors.
- Labelled: when they use labels to describe behaviors and people. They are normally negative and unalterable labels.
- Disqualify or forget the positive: when they continually reject or invalidate the positive aspects of others.
- Personalization: when they make a personal attribution of external events without sufficient basis.
- Incorrect evaluation of situations: when they see dangers where there are none.
- “I must” statements: when they rigidly apply rules about their and others' obligations, focusing on what one thinks should be rather than what is.
- Confirmatory bias: when they skew reality to fit their preconceived ideas, ignoring other information.
- Devaluation: when they usually resort to phrases like “I can't”, “I'm not capable”, etc.
To address the consequences of these types of thoughts It is essential that they can deal rationally and logically with the distortions, thoughts and negative sensations that they cause.
As parent coordinators we must be able to detect cognitive distortions, since if these are not worked on they will negatively interfere with the process and we will also have to avoid double roles, referring the members of the family unit when necessary to the appropriate professional so that they can intervene therapeutically, while developing the intervention of Parenting Coordination with us.
