Throughout life, situations occur that, although they are foreseeable and are expected to occur at some point, one is not prepared to face all the consequences they entail. These situations can be the arrival of a new member to the family, the children's entry into adolescence, retirement, etc.
The reorganization of the entire family system is a time of great tension and readjustments on the part of all its members. This task requires good communication, a fluid relationship and adequate coordination between all those involved, conditions that not all families maintain over time.
These types of situations occur frequently, for example when a son is born The whole family has to change their habits and schedules because there is a person who needs continuous care and attention. If this task falls on a single person, it is more than likely that it will become saturated and conflicts will appear with the rest of the family.
When these cases go to family mediation, work is done on the family organization, distribution of roles and distribution of tasks. The family has a new member and you have to give them their place, dedicate time to them, meet their demands, etc. For this, it is necessary to agree on certain aspects of daily life and in mediation a favorable climate is generated to reach those agreements that facilitate good family functioning. Other aspects that may be affecting the family are also agreed upon, since in mediation the issues that those involved want to resolve are worked on, but fundamentally these types of demands usually occur.
Another case that arises regularly is the conflict generated by the retirement. It is a moment long awaited by the person but when it arrives it generates a feeling of emptiness to the point of stressing family coexistence. A person who was busy working most of the day and who did not coincide with other family members due to different schedules suddenly spends all his time at home. During that time, they meet people they did not see before and feel like strangers, they see things they did not see before, they find themselves with a lot of free time and few responsibilities. This situation also deconstructs the entire family organization.
For example, I remember a case in which a woman contacted me because her husband had been retired for a few months and she requested mediation. The lady said: “I can't take it anymore, I'm going on vacation and I'm going to leave my husband to a neighbor to take care of him, just like we do with pets and flower pots. I'm overwhelmed by the situation because now he's at home all day and he's bored so he doesn't let me do my things. He tells me he wants to help but he doesn't know how to do it, I can't change it, rent it or sell it!
In situations like this, it is important for the retired person to assume some responsibility, to have tasks to take care of to continue feeling useful, to practice some of their hobbies and occupy that time that they previously dedicated to working. To establish these new coexistence routines we have the ideal space in mediation.
All family members will be able to express how they feel about the new situation., they are going to propose tasks that they can share with the retired person, they are going to decide together what activities they can delegate to them, everyone can dedicate part of their time to being with this person and thus reestablish relationships almost lost due to previous schedules.
Another very common situation is dependence. A person who until now lived alone and could take care of himself suddenly becomes dependent due to mobility difficulties, memory problems, etc. That person can no longer be alone and the decision about their future involves the entire family, this will involve an organizational effort, an investment of each person's time, an economic restructuring and everything that this entails.
In short, families are offered the possibility of restructuring the family organization so that new situations do not overwhelm them. It is important to know how to adapt to these changes because sooner or later they will appear and to better cope with the change it is essential to talk. Mediation offers that context that facilitates dialogue about everything that may lead to current conflicts and also to prevent future conflicts.
