Article written by: Elisa Godino, author and professor of Civil and Commercial Mediation Course from Didactic Foundation XXI. Psychologist and family mediator.
dI have always known that I wanted to dedicate myself to the social field, so I specialized in topics related to intervention with families and couples therapy, fields that I developed at the COORDENADAS Family Guidance and Mediation Center. I still remember when I decided to make my first mediation course and The questions that were running through my mind about it: What really is Mediation? Why is it so important to use it to resolve family conflicts?
Mediation is an effective and useful conflict management alternative that encourages the positive and peaceful resolution of everyday problems that may arise in different areas of human relationships, such as family relationships.
But, Why is mediation considered the most appropriate means to resolve family conflicts?
Thanks to my daily professional experience with families, I have been able to realize day by day how through mediation we can reduce confrontation and emotional and psychological tension between the people involved, thus improving their quality of life. At all times, as a mediator, I have been aware of my neutral and confidential role during the process, creating as much as possible a space for listening and dialogue, something that has not been so simple on all occasions. As Bolaños (1966) already pointed out: “Families have their own resources to make their own decisions”, and I have been able to verify the reality and importance of those words through my experience with families.
Neutrality of the mediator
For psychology professionals like me, where day-to-day work is done through therapy, it is very difficult to remain neutral and impartial during mediation and abandon the active role that we use during the intervention by providing guidelines or resources to the parties. . It is very important not to forget, that It is they and not us who have the power to find a solution in their hands. to their problems. And above all, it is very complicated in the development of mediation not to forget that the mediator will never have the leading role, but rather the parties. Likewise, it is added that in most cases the parties do not know in advance what the mediation process consists of and they can ask us to guide them or give them guidelines if they know that we are psychologists.
Mediation training
When the professional considers taking training in mediation, I consider that the importance of the mediation course selected contains both a theoretical part and a practical part. I also believe that the internal process of the mediator in the face of conflicts is fundamental; it is very important how he feels and how he channels his emotions, both his own and those of those he mediates.
Emotion management
We mediators can release the good or positive that people have to help them reach agreements by solving their conflicts, but we will not be able to do so if we do not have the necessary skills to look inside ourselves and identify our own emotions. The moment we connect with the emotions of the parties and legitimize them, we will ensure that the conflict is less intense and that the parties begin to listen to each other and accept their own feelings, being able to transfer their emotions. It is the expression and awareness of what they feel that leads to change.
When the party does not recognize the portion of reason of the other party because they are emotionally affected by prejudices towards the other, they insist on imposing their criteria without further ado, generating aggressive defensive responses and increasing the emotional conflict. Family mediation is not only advantageous because of the agreements that are reached between the parties, but also because helps communication to be re-established by reducing competitive behaviors in response to the original conflict.
