Just as chameleons in nature completely change their appearance to adapt to whatever environment they find themselves in, there are people whose extreme insecurity leads them to camouflage themselves in society to feel accepted or integrated.
But what happens when these people use this emotional commercialism where they hide their true feelings and thoughts, making an intentional distortion of reality to the detriment of their sons and daughters?
- That we meet
On many occasions in Parenting Coordination interventions We meet parents, fathers or mothers with whom we will be able to work. They are those who on many occasions do not act appropriately, but what if they are told that their sons or daughters are suffering, they are capable of listening, making self-criticism, looking beyond their needs, putting the focus back on their sons and daughters and realize that their attitude hinders the correct development and psycho-emotional well-being of their children.
But on other occasions we will encounter fathers and mothers with whom we will hardly be able to work without the necessary support and judicial measures. They are those who manipulate and instrumentalize their sons and daughters. They do not act appropriately and are aware, but their needs, thirst for revenge towards their ex-partner and their emotional shortcomings have more priority than the well-being of the minors.
The same will happen with the Social chameleons, people who are often highly toxic for the adequate psycho-emotional development of minors.
- How can we detect them from the Parenting Coordination
- These people usually have a narcissistic profile and show a false collaboration and it is with these that we must be careful not to fall into their manipulations and thus be able to avoid being instrumentalized.
- They tend to instrumentalize professionals (professional pilgrimage). They go from one to another looking for allies and it is common that when we contradict them and they do not feel supported, manipulative parents turn us over to the “dark side” and see us as enemies.
- They talk to everyone to create their image (social engineering), so it will be important for the other parent to counteract this and warn the entire environment, both social and health.
- They usually fall into contradictions when they are confronted with reality and on numerous occasions their non-verbal language does not accompany your speech, or this one stands out for its fables (normally directed in the form of unfounded accusations towards the ex-partner) or for its striking distortions of reality.
- Social chameleons use wildcard the abuse of justice, instrumentalizing it as they do with everything, even going so far as to file complaints for ill-treatment or sexual abuse that lack any foundation, which are filed one after another but which nevertheless are useful to achieve their claims.
- They do not repair in the violation of rights nor in the welfare of their sons and daughters because they are not able to look beyond themselves, something that places the minors in their care in risk situations to which we must pay attention.
“For social chameleons anything goes, even losing their dignity, their principles and values in order to achieve their goals and feel like winners.”
- Regarding sons and daughters, they usually use adultized language, a learned discourse, often going so far as to use legal concepts (borrowed scenarios). Sometimes they speak in plural, showing an alliance directed with the parent (father or mother) who manipulates and nullifies them.
As manipulation and instrumentalization advance, the emotional subjugation to which these minors are exposed is increasing, which is why it is essential to make a early detection of this type of psycho-emotional abuse or mistreatment.
For this, it is necessary from the Parenting Coordination to have specialized and competent professionals that they know how to detect this type of abuse in time, do not look the other way and intervene appropriately if we really want to guarantee the protection of minors and avoid future evils.
Train yourself at the International School of Mediation and make your way to the future.
