We live in an age where technology has been a part of our daily lives from the moment we open our eyes in the morning. Mobile phones, in particular, have become an extension of ourselves. It's no wonder that many families are faced with one of the most difficult decisions in parenting today: When is the best time for our sons or daughters to get their first cell phone?
It's not a simple question. Nor does it have a single answer. What is clear is that it's not just a question of age. In fact, reducing this decision to a specific number can be, in many cases, a mistake.
Beyond social pressure
Most parents who consider giving a mobile phone as a gift do so under pressure from phrases like “I'm the only one in my class who doesn't have one” either “All my friends already have one”It is true that the desire to belong to a group is a legitimate need in childhood and adolescence, but it is also true that school dynamics and social have changed radicallyThe pressure comes not only from peers, but also from a digital environment designed to engage.
In this context, it is worth asking a deeper question: Does my son or daughter really need a cell phone, or do they want one because everyone else has one? According to the Som Connexió Guide for Wicked Families, this distinction between real need and created need is fundamental. They say that cell phones should be incorporated when the family needs it to coordinate as a cohabiting unit—for example, if the child begins to move independently around the city—not when the need stems exclusively from the desire to "be like everyone else."
So, what is the best age to give your children a cell phone?
The guide is clear: The ideal would be to delay the acquisition of the first smartphone until the age of 16.. And even, if possible, until the age of 18. Why? Because before that age, the skills needed to have a good life are usually not developed. responsible autonomy in use, identify risks or manage them appropriately, which implies having free access to the Internet, social networks and content of all kinds.
Now, in a social context where this may seem like a utopia, Som Connexió clarifies: never before the age of 12. And if you decide to give a cell phone before then, it should be one without access to data or social networks, and always with support and clear conditions.
A progressive path, not a leap into the void
One of The most interesting approaches that the guide proposes is to think of the incorporation of mobile phones as a process in stages., not as a single, one-off decision. They propose a path that ranges from using a parent's device (before age 11), to a shared family phone (from age 11 to 13), to the first personal device (between ages 13 and 15), and finally to fully autonomous use from age 15 or 16.
This approach has several advantages. It allows the child to gradually become familiar with the tool while developing self-control, critical judgment, and responsibility skills. It also gives the family time to establish rules, observe how the child handles them, and adjust them based on their progress.
The usage agreement: a key tool
A very useful resource suggested by the guide is the usage agreement. It is not a simple contract signed "because the adults say so," but rather a proposal that must come from the minor himself, At least in the later stages. The agreement includes key aspects such as permitted usage time, schedules, spaces for use, authorized functions, and what happens if the conditions are not met. This agreement is reviewed and adapted over time, depending on the minor's maturity.
In addition to set clear boundaries, the agreement has a very powerful educational function: it forces the minor to reflect on his or her own use of the mobile phone and to take joint responsibility for that use.
The mobile phone as a tool, not as a reward or punishment
Another common mistake is using your mobile phone as a bargaining chip: "If you behave, I'll give it to you," "If you fail, I'll take it away." Rather than fostering a healthy relationship with technology, this turns it into an object of desire or a source of frustration, depending on the case. Instead, the guide insists that the mobile phone should be understood as a tool for family coordination and gradual access to digital autonomy, not as a whim or a threat.
Educating also means accompanying in the digital world
Ultimately, deciding when to give away the first mobile phone cannot be reduced to a specific date or a passing fad. It requires a broad perspective, capable of taking into account the maturity of the minor., the real needs of the family and the risks associated with new technologiesIt also requires time, patience, and many uncomfortable conversations—the kind that have no clear answers, but a lot of courage.
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